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May 6 2010

30 Days of Yoga? What the hell?


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Somewhere, at some time, some idiot thought that it would be cool to do 30 straight days of  yoga. Clearly the person that thought of this was some sort of yoga freak who wanted to prove that it was something that everyone could do.

Guess what?

30 days is a long bloody time! It’s day 5 and my shoulders are killing me, my knees are swollen and my hips are screaming about all the “hip opening” exercises that are supposed to be good for me.

I’m here to tell you that it’s tough to be all zen when you’re in this much pain.

That said, I really love the new little yoga studio that just opened up in Tsawwassen. It’s small, has sparse decor and smells nice. I like it best during shavasena. But then again, I like everything during shavasena because that means that class is over and I can crawl out of the studio to live another day.

Why not quit? I could see how someone might ask this. I can’t quit. I am nothing if not goal-oriented. Set me a goal and there will be very little that could stop me from achieving it. I have found, in the past, that allowing yourself to cheat or ditch your goals only makes you feel really bad. To be honest, I can’t quit because of the massive guilt I would feel.

So I will trudge back tomorrow to re-visit down dog and all his pals. I will stand in tree til the sweat runs down my face from the effort of keeping my hands over my head. I will open my hips, squeeze my butt, sink my sit bones and clear my mind.

Then I’ll come  here and bitch about the agony of yoga. Seriously, 30 days of yoga? What was I thinking?!


May 6 2010

Women are Bitches!


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Look, everyone knows that women are bitches. I’m a woman and even I know it. You know it too, you just may not want to admit it.

Most women, and happily married men, will not admit this out loud. They think there’s some sort of taboo with saying what you mean.  They figure that if they just ignore the fact that women are bitches that they can slip under the radar.

This sort of thinking is flawed though. The reason being that slipping under the radar will make you even more of a target for bitchy behaviour.

Sadly, bitchiness starts out at a super young age. Boys on the playground get into a screaming match, sock each other in the arm or mouth and are best friends 2 seconds later. (I’ve noticed this behaviour in men too but usually there’s blood and beer involved)

Girls, however, are ruthless. 8 year olds routinely hate their best friends for lame reasons. But it’s not quite enough to hate them alone so they have to enlist the help of other girls to hate the ex-best friend. Sometimes this works and sometimes all the other girls turn on her and pull a reverse bitchy.

Ah, the reverse bitchy. It’s a powerful tool in the school yard. It’s like on survivor when everyone thinks they know who to vote for and the one person is gobsmacked when she gets voted off thinking that she was on the right team.

It’s impossible, with girls and women, to know which team is the right team. No joke, you start up a convo in the school yard, as an adult, and you are risking social suicide.

It’s so easy to say the wrong thing about another woman to her best friend!

Where does it all come from I wonder. (actually I don’t wonder, I totally know I was just be rhetorical for literary effect)

It all just comes down to self-confidence. So easy, yet so complicated. Your self-confidence at 8 years old is a mess. Everyone hates you or you have no friends. You’re supposed to be messed up at 8, at 11, even at 18. Mind you, by 18 you should have a healthy blame going for your parents.

For those of you who might think this is baloney (or some other sort of bull) think about it this way; you’re talking to some woman and she makes a comment about a co-worker or other parent or whoever.  As she’s speaking you find yourself agreeing with her, even if you don’t know the person! What does that tell you? Are you so keen on this person liking you that you have to agree with her dis?

Of course you are! We all are. It’s human/women nature. Guys don’t really care as much. They aren’t really as social so they can live without buddy’s opinion and buddy doesn’t really care either as long as they can crack a beer and talk about the game.

Wanna read more about why women are bitches? Hit up my blog. I have a few ways to help you get over your bitchy behaviour and love your life a bit more.


May 6 2010

Love Blog

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Yep, pretty sure there are about a billion “love blogs” out there. Most of them are filled with teenage angst about getting dumped or being in love. Blah, blah, blah. Honestly, I’d rather read the ingredients in my organic, earth-friendly cleaning products than sit through another post about lost love, found love, puppy love, love period.

Does that sound cynical?

There really is no reason I should not be a great believer in love. I cry at weddings. I get misty during sappy romcoms. I even believe that somewhere, out there, there’s some guy writing away in his “love blog” about how I’m his perfect woman. Hell, my parents have been married for 60!!! Years!

Thing is, I think I might be a cynic. I was with a guy for 18 years and I really thought we were in “love” but, turns out, it was more like “I really enjoy having you around because we share a similar past and enjoy doing lots of the same stuff”. Apparently the shelf-life on something like that is not “til death do us part”.

Which kind of sucks because it makes you question what you thought love was. I mean I’m pretty down with the whole family love thing. I love my parents and I love my kids so much that that love may have caused the demise of my marriage.

I’m not saying it’s the kids fault. I guess you could blame them for being so damned cute and loveable (although that could also be ascribed to my dna ;) but it was more that, once they arrived, I noticed that I didn’t really love my husband as much.

Yikes hey?

It wasn’t even like a slow revelation either. It hit me like a mac truck, barreling down the highway at 900 miles/hour (or 1400 km/hour to the metric world)

They’re great, he’s kind of lame now.

I started talking to some of my girlfriends about the problem. Turns out a lot of them were big, fat liars when they said that they didn’t feel the same way because most of them are divorced now too. Ha, take that!

A marriage has to be rock-solid to survive children. I don’t know how the Duggers with 19 kids do it. I think mostly that they know that they’d be alone forever if they broke up. I mean, who they hell would take on 19 step kids?!

I wonder if maybe knowing that this could happen would either dissuade people from having kids or if it might help people to figure out how to communicate or keep communicating, after the arrival of their perfect offspring. Either way, I bet we could eradicate divorce all together if married people just didn’t have kids!

Oh wait, that could be problematic for the population growth. I better think about this a bit more. I’ll have to go back and look at more love blogs to find out if the answers are in there.