Jun 15 2010

I Got No Game :(

In this journey through life, single life to be precise, I have found that I am sadly lacking in one very important dating skill…mid-game.

I have beginning game; where I meet a guy that seems somewhat interesting then I treat him like shit or I play hard to get.

I have end game. (for the purposes of this blog I won’t go into specifics of what my end game may entail. I’ve heard that my kid reads this blog ;)

Suffice to say if beginning game is 1 foot off of home and heading for first, end game would be sliding, head-first into home plate after hitting the first ball thrown. (there, that seems sufficiently vague to dissuade my kid from understanding it ;)

Ok, so now what do I do? Is there a class to learn mid-game? Too bad there’s no class to teach the end game, I’m really good at that!

I’m actually not really interested in the end game anymore. Wild oats seem to be quenched. And even if I were, there is a stable available for such random acts.

Back to my dilemma. Mid game.

How’m I gonna git ma game on?

For those of you who are thinking of leaving some advice you ought to know what I’m looking for. I wouldn’t want to waste my new game on just anyone.

Age: 30-40 (I’ve had a 40 year old, I don’t really want another one unless he’s actually young looking, fit, healthy…oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here)

Profession: should have one! No offense, but if you have a “job” I’m not interested. I’m passionate about what I do and I would like a guy to have some sort of vested, emotional interest in his career. Even better would be someone who is so rich that all he does is philanthropic work. Hee hee.

Living arrangements: No guys living in vans, with their parents or with their current or ex wives. Seriously! This is a deal breaker!

So is smoking. Total deal-breaker. No smokers. Anyone with that little respect for themselves, the people that love them and their health really shouldn’t be allowed to have friends or lovers. Just sayin’.

Fit. Needn’t be a freak. In fact, freaky fit is not much of a turn-on for me. Someone who likes to do stuff that keeps him fit would be good rather than a gym rat.

Humour: This really ought to be at the top of the list. If you can’t make me laugh you are clearly not clever enough to date me. Again, just sayin’.

Kids: He can definitely have ‘em. In fact, if he does and they live with him that’s even better. If he doesn’t have kids at 35 I’m gonna wanna know why.

This is all starting to sound like Plenty of Fish (which I don’t subscribe to…anymore. Which, by the way, is really just a hook up site which is mostly why I have such a well-defined end game….but I digress)

Ok, now that you are armed with the knowledge of what I want…oh wait! I forgot the most important part! I don’t want an actual “boyfriend”. Whew, that would be embarrassing if you commented and it landed me a “life-mate”.

There is not enough room in my life for a full-time bf. I’m thinking more along the lines of someone that travels a lot for a living. You know, someone who is not in town all the time but available when I need him to be.

Is that selfish? Am I asking too much?

Jun 13 2010

Where the Hell are All the Single Men God-damn It!?

Is it really too bloody much to ask that there be at least a half dozen hot, single men in my town of 22,000?

You’d think with 22,000 I’d be able to have a drink at the local and actually have someone interesting to talk to.

I’m pretty cute. I’ve held up well (for my age) I’m fun and funny and out-going and have a job. I don’t live in a dumpster, drink to excess, shy away from adventure. What the hell?

Secretly, I think this is just a test to see if I can truly be single in a town where the only single guys are the ones who’ve simply outlived their wives. The average age here seems to be somewhere around 200 years old. Uggg.

Frequently my sistas and I are required to make the sojourn to downtown Vancouver to check out the local talent. Vancouver is, depending on how you drive, 20 or so minutes from where we live. It’s not a long way but it’s an $80 cab ride if you decide to get silly or stay out past the transit system hours.

The other night we made the trek. All of us, all dolled up, looking like Sex in the City meets Target. We looked hot. We’re all of a certain age and we chose our destination accordingly…Sandbar (otherwise known as Vancouver’s cougar bar)

What a colossal disappointment that turned out to be. The only guys that even spoke to us had to be reeled in like Marlin and even they weren’t much to shake a stick at.

What the hell is wrong with men these days? They have great role models! (see above) They should be able to model their behaviour on the suave, debonaire example that my buddy George sets for them. He’s doing his part to bring the 30-55 set into line and these idiots are paying no attention whatsoever!

What more can we women do than spend an hour to get gorgeous, go to where the men are and look approachable but not so approachable that someone’s hand is up your skirt before first names are exchanged? Tell me, I want to know the secret.

If the secret is “be 22″ then don’t tell me, I’ll wallow in my 44 ness and be happy at that.

Maybe we’re all barking up the wrong tree, maybe the suave, debonaire types are reading books or going to foreign films. I may have to check that out one of these days.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress ;)