divahh.com
May 28 2010

Wake up in the morning feeling tired and shitty…What’s the first thing you do?

Hey all your mommy bloggers (whoops, that’s discriminatory. It should read “hey all you multi-gendered parental bloggers. That’s better!)

Quick poll here.

What’s the first thing you do when you drag your ass out of bed in the morning? i.e. is it coffeee? computer? dirty diaper?

Here’s my routine, in quick, easy-to-read point form for efficiency sake.

1. disentangle myself from random kid in my bed (who would have snuck in in the middle of the night to launch a full body assault with her feet)

2. pee (had to be said)

3. hit the on button on my computer while simultaneously checking texts on the iphone.

4. gently and I mean GENTLY wake up 11 year old bear in the other room.

5. listen patiently to myriad of excuses why said bear cannot attend school today.

6. listen patiently to why bear needs to be woken up earlier in order to do her hair. (NB – early attempts to wake up bear have been met with profanity and violence)

7. get weigh-laid by massive hugging session with smaller version of bear who is not quite in bear stages in the morning yet.

8. (this one changes from day to day) make breakfast or yell at bear to get the hell out of bed, or instruct smaller bear in the art of dressing. Any number of things can happen in this moment and whatever it is usually sets the tone for the remainder of the day.

9. give up on bear and check computer.

9a. google analytics + entourage (simultaneously)

9b. twitter

9c. divahh.com (erase all stupid spammy comments)

9d. hotmail

9e. sometimes I get around to Facebook

10. remind bears that teeth will fall out if ignored. This comment is often met with derision but they grudgingly acquiesce when reminded of impending Dentist visits. hee hee.

11. subtly suggest that homework, notices, library books, snacks should be included in the backpack BEFORE leaving the house.

12. kick bears to the curb for their 2 min walk to school.

13. sigh with relief…pause…

14. WORK! (the easiest part so far!)

K, send a comment with your routine. This should be fun!


May 18 2010

Should 11 year olds be allowed on Facebook?

click for full sized image

Seriously! If one more of my 11 year old’s pals tries to “friend” me on Facebook I’m gonna lose it! Where are the parents? I can only assume that parents who let their kids be on FB must not be on the site themselves. Right? Right?

Guess again. Most of the kids have parents on FB too. WTF?! The very last person on earth I want to see the tagged photos of me dancing on a table at a bar in Whistler is my 11 year old! The 2nd last people are her friends.

In fact, I think the friends would be the last people who should see this. I can just see it now…

Friend: “Hey Layne, I saw your mom puked all over some dudes Mercedes because she ate too many grapes soaked in Lychee liqueur the other night. Ha ha ha, what a loser!”

Layne: “What? Where did you see that?”

Friend: “It’s all over Facebook and I’m tweeting it to everyone you know, plus, I found a video of someone else doing it and I’m putting your mom’s face on her so I can add it to my youtube channel.”

Layne: “ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!…I want to die now please.”

Attention all 11 year olds. Don’t try to friend me on FB. FB is not for kids! Tricks are for kids!

Love Jacquie.