Jun 3 2010

Regaining Focus…FAST!

For the last several hours I have been trying hard to dig myself out of a mis-directed focus hiccup.

I went to yoga but found that, far from zening me out, I actually left in a worse mood. Could be all those bloody hip openings that I hate but know are good for me. Kinda like spinach, only for your hips.

I ate chocolate. This is usually a no brainer. When annoyed, eat chocolate. There is medical research to back this up people! It increases your serotonin and makes you feel really good. At least that was what I was telling myself while devouring it on the couch this evening. After yoga btw.

3 hours of mindless nonsense on TV was next. America’s Got Talent. Stupid Housewives of NYC. I even tried Wipeout for a bit. None of it worked though.

The only thing left was to return to the writing. The thing that got me into this in the first place.

So, I wrote a post about being non-controversial on your blog. But it did little to assuage my annoyance.

Then, I had an epiphany. (or as much of one as is possible at 11pm after a nasty-ass afternoon. BTW, the morning was epic and I’m going to blog about it eventually. After I get to my epiphany)

Epiphany! Right, that’s what I was about to say.

Focus, for me, is about perspective. I was unable to find perspective in yoga tonight. It could not be found in chocolate or tv either.

Tonight I had to bring out the big guns. I had to troop out love to gain some perspective.

More specifically, maternal love.

For me all creativity and focus stems from this. The love I have for my children supercedes all other emotion and when I need to tap into it to get some, hard-found, perspective, it’s there for me.

I am so incredibly grateful for my children. Not just for the idea of them but for the people that they are.

They are bloody brilliant, sarcastic, adorable, insane, loud, occasionally obnoxious and even flatulent but they are 100% authentic. They teach me  what is important and, more importantly, who is important in my life.

All other concerns are moot.

I wish for you all to find your perspective in whatever form it takes and grab it tight. Don’t let the small stuff, or small people or barriers get in your way. Remember what’s important when you need to.

Here is my perspective.

Enjoy. Namaste.

May 28 2010

Wake up in the morning feeling tired and shitty…What’s the first thing you do?

Hey all your mommy bloggers (whoops, that’s discriminatory. It should read “hey all you multi-gendered parental bloggers. That’s better!)

Quick poll here.

What’s the first thing you do when you drag your ass out of bed in the morning? i.e. is it coffeee? computer? dirty diaper?

Here’s my routine, in quick, easy-to-read point form for efficiency sake.

1. disentangle myself from random kid in my bed (who would have snuck in in the middle of the night to launch a full body assault with her feet)

2. pee (had to be said)

3. hit the on button on my computer while simultaneously checking texts on the iphone.

4. gently and I mean GENTLY wake up 11 year old bear in the other room.

5. listen patiently to myriad of excuses why said bear cannot attend school today.

6. listen patiently to why bear needs to be woken up earlier in order to do her hair. (NB – early attempts to wake up bear have been met with profanity and violence)

7. get weigh-laid by massive hugging session with smaller version of bear who is not quite in bear stages in the morning yet.

8. (this one changes from day to day) make breakfast or yell at bear to get the hell out of bed, or instruct smaller bear in the art of dressing. Any number of things can happen in this moment and whatever it is usually sets the tone for the remainder of the day.

9. give up on bear and check computer.

9a. google analytics + entourage (simultaneously)

9b. twitter

9c. divahh.com (erase all stupid spammy comments)

9d. hotmail

9e. sometimes I get around to Facebook

10. remind bears that teeth will fall out if ignored. This comment is often met with derision but they grudgingly acquiesce when reminded of impending Dentist visits. hee hee.

11. subtly suggest that homework, notices, library books, snacks should be included in the backpack BEFORE leaving the house.

12. kick bears to the curb for their 2 min walk to school.

13. sigh with relief…pause…

14. WORK! (the easiest part so far!)

K, send a comment with your routine. This should be fun!

May 18 2010

Should 11 year olds be allowed on Facebook?

click for full sized image

Seriously! If one more of my 11 year old’s pals tries to “friend” me on Facebook I’m gonna lose it! Where are the parents? I can only assume that parents who let their kids be on FB must not be on the site themselves. Right? Right?

Guess again. Most of the kids have parents on FB too. WTF?! The very last person on earth I want to see the tagged photos of me dancing on a table at a bar in Whistler is my 11 year old! The 2nd last people are her friends.

In fact, I think the friends would be the last people who should see this. I can just see it now…

Friend: “Hey Layne, I saw your mom puked all over some dudes Mercedes because she ate too many grapes soaked in Lychee liqueur the other night. Ha ha ha, what a loser!”

Layne: “What? Where did you see that?”

Friend: “It’s all over Facebook and I’m tweeting it to everyone you know, plus, I found a video of someone else doing it and I’m putting your mom’s face on her so I can add it to my youtube channel.”

Layne: “ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!…I want to die now please.”

Attention all 11 year olds. Don’t try to friend me on FB. FB is not for kids! Tricks are for kids!

Love Jacquie.