Jun 15 2010

I Got No Game :(

In this journey through life, single life to be precise, I have found that I am sadly lacking in one very important dating skill…mid-game.

I have beginning game; where I meet a guy that seems somewhat interesting then I treat him like shit or I play hard to get.

I have end game. (for the purposes of this blog I won’t go into specifics of what my end game may entail. I’ve heard that my kid reads this blog ;)

Suffice to say if beginning game is 1 foot off of home and heading for first, end game would be sliding, head-first into home plate after hitting the first ball thrown. (there, that seems sufficiently vague to dissuade my kid from understanding it ;)

Ok, so now what do I do? Is there a class to learn mid-game? Too bad there’s no class to teach the end game, I’m really good at that!

I’m actually not really interested in the end game anymore. Wild oats seem to be quenched. And even if I were, there is a stable available for such random acts.

Back to my dilemma. Mid game.

How’m I gonna git ma game on?

For those of you who are thinking of leaving some advice you ought to know what I’m looking for. I wouldn’t want to waste my new game on just anyone.

Age: 30-40 (I’ve had a 40 year old, I don’t really want another one unless he’s actually young looking, fit, healthy…oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here)

Profession: should have one! No offense, but if you have a “job” I’m not interested. I’m passionate about what I do and I would like a guy to have some sort of vested, emotional interest in his career. Even better would be someone who is so rich that all he does is philanthropic work. Hee hee.

Living arrangements: No guys living in vans, with their parents or with their current or ex wives. Seriously! This is a deal breaker!

So is smoking. Total deal-breaker. No smokers. Anyone with that little respect for themselves, the people that love them and their health really shouldn’t be allowed to have friends or lovers. Just sayin’.

Fit. Needn’t be a freak. In fact, freaky fit is not much of a turn-on for me. Someone who likes to do stuff that keeps him fit would be good rather than a gym rat.

Humour: This really ought to be at the top of the list. If you can’t make me laugh you are clearly not clever enough to date me. Again, just sayin’.

Kids: He can definitely have ‘em. In fact, if he does and they live with him that’s even better. If he doesn’t have kids at 35 I’m gonna wanna know why.

This is all starting to sound like Plenty of Fish (which I don’t subscribe to…anymore. Which, by the way, is really just a hook up site which is mostly why I have such a well-defined end game….but I digress)

Ok, now that you are armed with the knowledge of what I want…oh wait! I forgot the most important part! I don’t want an actual “boyfriend”. Whew, that would be embarrassing if you commented and it landed me a “life-mate”.

There is not enough room in my life for a full-time bf. I’m thinking more along the lines of someone that travels a lot for a living. You know, someone who is not in town all the time but available when I need him to be.

Is that selfish? Am I asking too much?